fall semester is finally over!!! w00t!!!!

time to play!!!! or rather

time to finally go christmas shopping!

(which we did today)

and its so funny how a simple mundane thing felt so great to do.

its nice to 'rejoin' the world....to spend a 'normal' day with baby doing some regular stuff like we used to do.

its been way TOO long.

one semester down...a few left before we push forth in this brave world, hehehe

happy holidays~

.

this is coming from reading other ppl's entries, especially about relationships.

people ARE remaining single longer and longer these days.  time does fly doesn't it.  well of course this is a stupid statement being that I have quite a few friends and peers my own age (33+) who are still single.  Just that this fact was reinforced when when I realized that a few (newer) friends within my circles are approaching 28 this yr - both guys and girls.  (Newer meaning SINCE I began my "second' life in late 2002 at age 28).  and that actually most of the ppl whom I met back then in their early 20's are actually getting to that age within 1-2 years!  and many of them have never even been in what one would even consider a long-term relationship.  damns...

times have definitely changed.  then again life is just more complex these days.  Theres definitely too many options in terms of self-discovery, more pursuits, more things to get done in ur own life before one can even contribute to a relationship or take the time out to really get to know someone. its work and who has the time to do work right now!  And that is the right attitude to take. I totally respect it also.  and then when the time is right, you will find someone, or someone will *find* you. On some level I even wish I had that type of attitude within my personality, but no, I was always really boycrazy and relationship-minded since I was 14, so that has prevailed throughout life -- and it has brought extremes from utmost joy to heartcrushing devastation in bad times where it has totally usurped my life and lifestyle at that time.  I hadnt even realized in all that serial dating craziness that I had not BEEN ready for any sort of real SOLID commitment till 2-3 yrs ago!!! My 9.5 yr relationship, although it was great, there were MANY things NOT working within the relationship. SO make sure you are absolutely ready because it can totally mislead you down a path you may not be ready for.

i can totally admit that many changes in lifestyle and personality during my life had to do with a new relationship OR changes in a relationship I have been in.  yeah NOT too great normally to have these supreme highs and lows.  i have definitely LOVED, LOST, LEARNED, then LOVED again, up to where i am today. despite the crazy times, i don't regret anything. 

i guess we all have our own unique paths & I do believe tho that there is someone out there for everyone.

wow, all this talk of Great Depression v2.o is really crazy...but i guess all signs have been pointing to this.

not sure what is going to help us out of this hole. either way, us taxpayers will be footing the bill and we really won't have a say in what happens.  its all about the gov and the private bankers.  whatever will be will be...

im soo glad for many things tho. glad that my mom has been done with her mortgages for years now and that everything are in CDs/banks and insurable.   glad she is healthy and practicing awesome life habits that will keep her healthy for years to come.  glad i am back in school and can put the real world off for a lil bit.  wouldnt want to be looking for work in these times.  glad i am going for a recession-proof career. glad that ive been living frugally since incurring that $20K debt cuz of my ex then paying it off in two years time.  glad to be living without money and material items being the focus of my world.  Money is necessary but I have my health, love, family and education thats going to make my future even more fulfilling.  I am very happy overall and rarely do get upset over little things.  who needs additional stressors in the world anyway?  we all do what we can...

its definitely not the time to be splurging or to be incurring more debt than necessary.  anyting material can be put off in the interim...it all just seems so superficial.

hopefully when i peer out from academia 2-3 yrs later...the economy will be a lot better off than how it is now.
_____________________________________

*random* u know, as popular as facebook is with everyone, i kinda do miss xanga., even tho i really don't post nearly as much as i used to.

Its known that many ppl are afraid of change. Moreover, afraid of change in ppl that they know.

Why? I am not sure. I mean, wouldn't ppl normally be happy that their acquaintances/friends are making moves?

But its kinda funny because I notice more of the opposite...it leads to people talking about you, it leads to ppl making all these weird assumptions about you, but its whatever cuz i figure if they have the time to gossip about others and/or talk about their past, then they themselves are really boring and bored and it soo sucks to be stuck in life....cuz they got no interesting present NOR future to talk about...haha

Ive pretty much cut out BS talk on aim, i just get booored of it and the people who initiate such conversations. I'm just rolling my eyes in front of the computer thinking how boring they are.

Id rather talk about life, love, school, career and our futures in this great world.

im so glad that i dont have any boring friends. its shows that ive doing something right and meeting the right people   
___________________

and its funny (altho not wrongly) that people still perceive me as being really into the party scene. Because people who really know me, know i quit that route about a year and a half ago.  There is so much more which defines me. And what's even funnier about all of this, is that those exact people were into the party scene for way longer in their lives than i have - 7 yrs, 10 yrs...even MORE than 10 yrs depending on how young they started. . I was in the party scene for 5 1/2 years since age 28.  FIVE and a HALF YEARS!!  That is NOTHING, in a life.  Not by a long shot.  I have experienced quite a bit, being totally straight and sober up to age 28...and now I found myself an amused observer on the sidelines.  I was very intrigued by Sociology during my first college career...and my curiosity is retained today.  I have seen MANY people who have matured or changed drastically; I have also seen people who have been stuck in a routine and for some reason are clueless on how to get out of a funk; I have also seen people who have not changed and choose to still remain in the past/retain past attitudes about things.  It's fine but I just wonder, don't things get boring year after year of the same? and don't you have goals for yourself that need to be started on, like NOW? If u just sit on ur ass, year by year starts looking all the same. But i guess thats fine for those that like that...

I can honestly say that I have been adventurous enough to take on different paths, personalities and living in different areas during this short life I have lived thus far...even with regressing in the past 5 years to fully emerge the person that i am right now. and I have yet so much more to go!  I do not regret ANY minute of it but I can fully acknowledge that thsi miniscule (party personality) part of me has totally come full circle and now I am onto bigger, better things.

__________________________________________________

I

...am an optimistic adult.
...am ins school for my 2nd bachelors...in health/med/nursing.
...am young at heart like no other.

...am a photography enthusiast.
...love to travel.
...am a lover.

...am finally with the love of my life and plan to be with him forever.

...am a lover of art history and art in general.
...am always looknig for new experiences. people. things to influence me. to change my current perception.
...strongly BELIEVE that you need to be educated throughout your entire life. never stop learning.
...am always an advocate of change in all of those who I feel should be confident/have potential
   enough.
...am not afraid to tell it like it is -- i mean, just because no one wants to speak of it, does that mean that it
   doesn't exist. this is reality, wake up in it.
...soo admire those people with passions and goals and who are striving to achieve them.

...have actually had many people come up to me to tell me i have been such an inspiration to
   them. and this i hold so close to my heart as it means so much to me to hear. so flattered.

...have always had friends within mixed crowds (ethnically AND interest/hobbywise) so im constantly
   surrounded by new ideas and different opinions.
...am not into being a 'yes' person or a crowd pleaser or being friends with the whole world.
...am not into groups or conformity. my brain cringes at any action/talk suggesting *groupthink*.
...am on a mission to prove all stereotypes wrong and I am fine with being one of the ambassadors. it only  
   takes ONE person to inform others
...normally can meet/talk with people with people a few times and figure out whether they are going to be a
   great friend or just an acquaintance to me.  Usually I am right.
...do not see the point in being with people who do not inspire me in some way or who I view as  
   superficial/gangsta/useless/fronting/phony/stereotypical for one reason or another.  I see it way too much
   around me.

...do admit i am SLOW to action when facing the prospect of change. but I trust myself to follow through, i always have. 
   I have done this three times now during my life

...really do feel that something is missing IF i haven't improved upon my life in a new, qualifiable
   way within the previous year.  that sends me into deep contemplations and re-evaluating myself.
...can actualy go into depression if I feel like I feel like I am
stuck.  I have no problems admitting my
   shortcomings to myself...isnt
it better to be honest and then try to solve the problem?

   then again, if im actively reaching a longterm goal, then i am totally proud of myself while on the journey

I
...am complex.
...am an absorber of knowledge, adventure and ideas.
...am undefinable.
...am an enigma.

altho at the moment, i am a truly boring (hermit-like) person myself cuz all i do is study right now. but i do revel in it and i wish everyone well!   i will reemerge yet someday going forward after all of this, a more fleshed out different/better person, ready for the next reinvention/adventure in life, the next chapter in this awesome story.

Until then...

Phoebe Rising,
September 2008

Hmm how has things been going so far?  Not bad not bad...

The focal priority in my life right now...SCHOOL...starting out ok so far. I definitely see I need to try to get/maintain at least a 3.7.  Seems like thats the minimum GPA to please most schools.  i am motivated tho so thats the BEST thing...gonna be CRACKING the books all day today...as for baby, Radiology is kicking butt but so far hes been able to stay afloat nicely. o/ SO PROUD! eheh looks like NO LIFE for us till at least winter break in mid-December...Met up with our friend Cris whose goal is to ace the MCATs...what an inspiration!  Hey if she can do it, I may be able to as well.  Imagine me, a PA...Nursing... or something along those lines. wow....but first gotta ace Anatomy and Physiology I lecture & lab -- what a bitch of a class!!!  

I guess when I get to that point, I can decide how far I am willing to challenge myself.  That would certainly be th3 ideal...and beyond anything i could have ever imagined for myself. then i would seriously have reason to be proud of myself. till then, everything else is moot...

As for my personal life, things have been progressing amazingly. two weeks ago we had a talk, and he actually agreed he could see us getting married after he finishes school...and then tonight, while we were at dinner and ran into his old coworkers, a few ppl remarked that we had been going out for a long time, and reminesced about the first time they saw us together. (awwws all around). Then they asked if marriage was in the plans for us. And before i could even answer, he actually nods and said "After I'm done with school." wow first time he didnt evade the question / i didnt interject with the typical "we-still-have-so-much-to-do-in-our-lives-before-that" type of answer. this of course then proceeded to elicit double-awww responses. heehee.

damn...this *IS* the year of serious change.

all of this couldn't have turned out any better if I had imagined it all myself.  

I feel very lucky indeed.  I have never taken any of this for granted, nor will I ever.