....well as least compared to how my ideals and beliefs run.

man, cant believe i fell in love with a *hipster*/overpriced neighborhood tonight (Williamsburg). I normally do not like areas with "pockets of phony" within it!

it was totally by accident though!..as i was walking with one of my classmates (who is Polish) from her home in Greenpoint, i guess we unintentionally wandered into Williamsburg!  She, being newly moved into Greenpoint, had no clue of the boundaries.  And how would I know, I'm just normally in school and Queens these days! 

Greenpoint btw was def intriguing and not what i expected.  Some lovely brownstones and parks and i could soo see the potential for the area. i certainly wouldnt mind living there, it definiltey seemed safe and ppl were firendly for the most part (i mean, no one stared at me as if i had two heads, even though i didnt see ANY Asians in the area at all, just Polish and other Caucasian-looking ppls.  My friend claims there are a good amount of Asians in the neighborhood though.)  While there, we went to Christina's Restaurant, wellknown for their hearty homemade Polish food, and we each had some delicious blintzes...I wanted to try pierogies or even a goulash but my friend was soo ADAMANT about pulling me toward Cafe Rivera where I could barely finish a chocolate poppy seed dessert (it was damn good though!)

Then we walked down to Nassau Avenue, made the turn at MCCARREN PARK (so this is where it is!!!!)  walked all the way to the waterfront and turned left -- hit Bedford Avenue....and lo and behold a neighborhood with a vibe i couldnt explain. but it was soo boisterous and full of young professionals and JUST AMAZING. i couldnt get enough of it.

Then...i found out it was WILLIAMSBURG -_- blahhh

random musings: how is it that when i went to eat at SEA...i didnt feel this vibe at ALL (in fact i thought that area was overrated!) but that i felt it tonight? And am i mistaken, or has EVERY Asian friend ive ever had just brought me to SEA as the place to eat at, cuz its a bit overrated and i now decline any offers to go...cuz seriously there are SOO MANY other more intriguing smaller restaurants we could be going to!!!!

but, yeah back to discussing location and vibe of area... maybe i just lost my bearings cuz i am normally driven to the area...SEA isnt THAT far from Bedford is it?????- ok ppl this i need ppls expertise on!!! thanks

ive always sworn to keep away from those type of areas.  Now overpriced and kitschy, it has been for awhile now and it will only get more expensive as time goes on, yes i know that!!!! But goddamns, it soo beckoned to the 'artist' part of me -- so much so I swear it wasnt funny.  you know how u just FEEL a neighborhood? Goddamns. its been awhile since a neighborhood struck my interest...and forever since ive had my own apartment.  Since graduating from college in 1996 till 2002, ive moved *5* times -- Chinatown/LES, Jersey City, Murray Hill/Manhattan, Bay Ridge, then Elmhurst.  im feeling those stirrings *again*.  

**not that i havent appreciated Elmhurst all these years. its been the longest that ive stayed anywhere and for that i am DULY grateful.

But there is sometihng about being wholly 'independent" and to know u can take care of urself, to NOT live under your parents' roof.  Because no matter what, their influences wil be felt, and ive seen too many peoples lives stagnate or become inhibited due to wanting to please everyone but themselves.  To move, to wander, to explore a new neighborhood to see what it can offer you. To have my own fullsize kitchen where i can cook. To be able to walk up the block and shop for groceries.  To be able to try new restaurants wtihin walking distances and to develop a favorite where it can be 'YOUR' place to go.  To see ppl i know within the community, and to smile and wave.  To know i was in a place to call my own...to come and go as i please, to be able to buy furniture for (omg so addicting, so expensive, so exciting!!)

...to be a HOME

To know that you are STARTING YOUR LIFE  on ur OWN terms, without ANYONE to answer to...whether it be on ur own or with ur significant other. I swear, possibilities abound...a future unfolds right before you...in a place bound for adventure.  theres no other rush ^_~ and one cant really KNOW all these things until they leave their preciously & coddled safety net.

***i swear, there is NOTHING like catching the glance of ur also single dwelling neighbor around ur own age who lives next door, or ur signifcant other, and u exchange a glance, KNOWING...UNDERSTANDING.  Here we begin our lives yet unwritten...may the sky be the LIMIT <3***

<b>Within 2 yrs time i hope to be able to follow thru. </b>At least it might be the perfect interim spot to live at while i see if my San Diego dream is a reality or not....and if not there, then the NEXT up and coming area....ill definitely be paying attention from now on!!!

man just goes to show you, i AM a Brooklyn girl at heart. so far ive found more history, character and soul in every Brooklyn neighborhood ive visited than anywhere in Queens.  To this day i remember Bay Ridge more than even the condo apt i dwelled in @ Murray Hill.  Of course i <3 the West Village and surrounding areas the most but i feel its completely out of my price range and optimal space i would want as a home.

but yeah thats my bias and i dont claim to push it on ANYONE. lol

<3

P.S. altho i hate hate HATE the nickname 'BillyBURG' that the 'hipsters' have given the neighborhood. UGH.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 5:11pm

So not everyone knows this, but the decision date for Fall 2009 Nursing Program was July 15th at LaGuardia CC.

And unfortunately, I did not get in. According to them, new
requirements had been set into place during the beginning of the Spring
semester, and notifications mailed to all preclincal Nursing majors.
But BECAUSE i had changed my major in late March..i failed to receive
the mailing. Also because of my having just come back from vacation
with my mom during that time, I had not kept up with the schedules for
the informational sessions for Nursing. (Which might have helped me to
AVOID this situation).

But oh well, like that helps me now as on JULY 15th at 1130am, I looked down at the documents in the envelope:

"DESPITE HAVING MADE A GREAT ATTEMPT AT APPLYING FOR THE FALL 2009 RN
PROGRAM, OUR RECORDS SHOW YOU ARE NOT ELIGIBLE TO ENTER THE FALL 2009
CLINICAL CLASS DUE TO A MISSING REQUIREMENT."

@_@...

omg when i saw this, i was sooooo Let down. I sat numbly by an advisor
as they explained to me what that meant, and then i walked to my next
class. (Actually that day I ended up saying FUCK IT to my scheduled
class, and went to COMPANY to indulge my sorrows in some amazing
flatbread pizzas and the visit at Astoria Park with Drew). eh why cry
(too much) over spilt milk, right?

BUT. part of me kept rereading that letter. and it said, "for those who
would have gotten in this semester if the new requirement wasnt
implemented, you will be allowed to become a candidate for the Spring
2010 semester without ranking."
-- umm WTF??? i had to find out what that MEANT. Ranking = means they
use your grades and qualfications to determine if you have a place in
their class

so anyway i went to the Director of Nursing at LaGuardia today, to clarify what i needed to do.

i waited almost TWO hours to see her. and soo glad i did.

She asked for my SS, look at my grades to better advise me on what to
do for Fall as I waited to reapply for Spring. Then she was like,
"Wait, your grades are all A's and you are only missing this one class.
Did we ask to 'hold' your candidacy? Did we put a star next to your
name last Wednesday?"

I was like, "yes, but i did not know what that meant."

So she was like, "wait a minute," and started looking through another
list. Then she found it and she was like, "oh yes, this means you are
part of the Spring candidacy--"

"-- so does this count as a 2nd attempt at applying?" I asked, to
verify it. IN this school you get two shots at applying toward a major
and then you either transfer or choose another major.

She replied, "There is not even a re-attempt needed. NO RANKING means
we don't even look at your grades. Because you would have been accepted
this semester - provided you are taking this required class in fall and
pass with a C+ -- you will become part of the entering class for Spring
2010. Judging from your academics up to now, that won't be a problem.
We knew there might be problems because of the sudden change in
requirements back in March." she said. (and yes there was...about 10
ppl who fell through the cracks. all of whom had 4.0s like me. just
that i fell toward number 9 on the list cuz i had been a part-time
student vs. full-time.

and UM HELL FUCK YEAH im going to get a C+ in that class. in fact, with
all my FALL semester classes that i need to take while i wait for this
sh*t...im going to fuckin 4.0 it AGAIN!! >.<

"well." I said, clearing my throat..."that sounds -- very simple."

"Well," she replied, "thats because it is simple. Exactly like that.
But I would like for you to write me a letter of intent in the Fall,
stating that you do want to be in the Spring 2010 class just so we
don't hold a spot for nothing. After all there will be at least 10
spots reserved due to this sudden change in curriculum. Hand it to me
in person sometime in September and then you will be set."

I couldn't stop breaking into a slight smile that eventually grew wider as I walked away from the Nursing office.

=D

...well im stil bummed about not starting in the Fall. BUT i think i can look past this small thing.

Onward and toward a burgeoning, bright future, aflame....

Phoenix Rising
Aspriing R.N.
July 21, 2009

Written July 13, 2009

****rhetorical note...not meant to be commented on. its just something i need to go through. ****

...i will think however i need to in order to get thru this.

cuz right now im far where i want to be, should be
in fact i should be certifiably declared insane
the way my heads been going
one minute this way, the next way not
bursts of temper fiery hot, the next minute icy calm

all justifiable, i suppose...doesn't mean i like it this way.
but par for the course. The authentic road...is never easy.

cuz i rather be this way, living actively on the right path
using wisdom and restraint, on the outside looking in
guiding all good vibes and influence
i may believe too much in the good
but mind u that is NO weakness
instead that is the very strength that always pulls me through

and believe it or not, im learning. ive become much more assertive, strong, direct. all good
_______________________

(altho im NOT stupid or do i forgive/forget. right now i feel like
throwing something at someones head and having it shatter right in
their FACE -- person shall remain NAMELESS. Oh hell, not worthy of
existence even...LOL. i have visions of it every day, oh joy. well at
least that right now provides me GREAT joy, HAHAHA)

_______________________

Yes i finally got to thinking...
and YES I i do KNOW of the difference btwn different types of
people...and no they are NOT the same thing. there are those that waver
between being 'stupid and gullible to lengths even i cant fuckin'
comprehend (!) - YES *YOU*, stupid idiot!! Aptly
deserved BY THE WAY...but for all the stupidity of this shiet, for SOME
reason i still believe that one can *still* retain a GOOD heart despite
these huge fallacies, dependability however is another STORY.)
-one type (of person).

opposed to being malicious and manipulative
and living on lies to support some sort of 'lifestyle'
(just drawing ur own path toward nowhere)
-the **worst** type *(of person). with a BLACK heart
this type of person is just a poison to everyone around them

i have never been *like* either type, and never will be like either
type. First type contains traits that i consider to be truly *WEAK* in
character...the latter of the most self-serving, selfish type.

Being *real* has never come easy, but we strive to live with virtue,
honesty and respect. and to be able to exchange truths (even if it
hurts) with those deemed worthy...

...

i just wonder how things will be, a year from now.

i dont normally think this way but tooo many things are happening
all at once now...that i can only retain focus *this* way. its amazing
to think of all the changes that i am about to experience now...and
that by next yr, i will be again a *changed* person, a different
person, like it or not.



believe it or not, whichever path i take, i wil again become someone
*new*...one of two IDENTITIES, as different as can be. Either way,
change is technically positive -- well i say that in order to bring it
into the most helpful light. im not happy about the change but the
wheels were set in motion -- and so i bravely face it now.



it will be wholly interesting to see how much things have changed for
the other party in such time...well at this point i already know "i* am
going to change drastically. in fact i am changing day by day, week by
week...its been a pivotal year up to now...the unexpected threw me off
but i will survive. And THRIVE. To grow is always a great thing, to
gain more perspective, to be more KNOWING. This is where i embrace
age...as every year brings more knowledge on how to live, and how to
enjoy every moment u have, not cuz u dont know what tomorrow might
bring -- but that tomorrow can only bring more depth and perhaps even
more joy than one could have ever imagined. =)



Cant say i see the same happening for said person. and thats really something to feel sorry for.



all feelings aside, i objectively hope im wrong about that

-- even though i should really wish that person to eternal damnation in
death (LOL!) but hell on earth is SO MUCH WORSE especially if that
persons created their own situation--



and thats the crazy part about it. no one has to do anything!!! as much
as I WANT something DONE, i won't. its just NOT me, and its not WORTH
it. during this time ive found soo much love and support even from
unexpected places, that all i want to do is to look *toward* the
future. things like this are petty and fade away w/importance with
time. Last i heard, there was more than enough going around, without me
needing to add to it. so i won't cuz im the better one for it =)



One would prefer to see ppl develop and grow up for the better...but
alas that is DEFINTELY not the case for some -- it is also too late as
they cannot undo the damage done, to themselves and their surroundings.
or at least they cannot accomplish it via the right way, always by
deception and seeing who else they can manipulate.





too bad...ppl like this will never find real friendship based on mutual
respect and truths, one will never find real, all-encompassing love,
only what started in deceit and manipulation and untruths. and those,
as we all know, unravel in time. and yeah the most gullible ppl can be
fooled for awhile...but when ones true colors come out...yes even THOSE
people walk. But oh wells...some ppl are content to create their own
worlds as such, who am i to fault that?





**keep in mind that its NOT my intention to keep dwelling on this...i
already know that in 5+ months i will have become indifferent either
way it goes...so im just working on myself...and thats why im just
getting all my thoughts out now.



what will this all matter, in the scheme of things...of a life well-built and wonderful?

...





*I* myself am SOO *not* here right now. But my lingering aura and glimmering light stays...and hopefully it shall guide me home....



Someday...



written: 07/13/09



**listening to Beyonce's HALO -- i never thought that a Beyonce song
would get me all contemplative. in fact i hadnt even KNOWN this was her
song till recently. 

Friday, July 3, 2009 at 6:15am

i am more than what ppl see of me, think of me

and i know it and value my individuality

using this time to further discover who i ultimately am


this year 2009 has definitely been a TRYING one

no way has the past year prepared me for what was to come...

December 5 2009 - the day of reckoning, moment of truth.
Either way I walk a new path in my personal life, an awakening, a new
identity with growth, even if thru pain and tears...whatever path i end
up on will totally depend on these next 6 months.

Either way, a new era of my life is poised to begin, just around the corner.

Trying not to think about it now as I am HOPING to make it on the July
list of Nursing hopefuls at LaGuardia CC, and THEN new priorities will
take hold. Will try my very best to be mindful of those as I try not to
fall apart...

-Phoenix Risiing
July 3 2009

"New study cites NYC’s soaring cost of living and flattened wages for “outmigration” of moderate-income families.

The Center for an Urban Future has released a startling report on the
fate of New York's middle classes -- even as the population of the city
continues to grow, its middle class is shrinking, and when it comes to
domestic migration, there are clearly many more New Yorkers leaving
town than there are people from other US towns moving in.

More residents left the five boroughs for other locales in each of the
years between 2002 and 2006 than in 1993, when the city was in far
worse shape. In 2006, the city had a net loss of 151,441 residents
through domestic out-migration, compared to a decline of 141,047 in
1993. Overall, in 2006 the city had a higher net domestic out-migration
rate per 1,000 residents (-18.7) than struggling upstate communities
such as Ithaca (-8.0), Buffalo/Niagara Falls (-7.6), Rochester (-5.8)
and Syracuse (-5.1).

A huge part of this is the sheer expense of living in New York -- not
just housing costs, although that's a lot of it, but everything else,
too, from car insurance to the price of milk. But it's also that there
simply aren't middle-class job opportunities in New York any more:

Of the 10 occupations that are expected to have the largest number
of annual job openings in the city through 2014, only two offer median
wages greater than $28,000 a year. Taking a wider view, 16 of the 40
occupations projected to have the largest number of annual job openings
over the same period pay median wages below $30,000 a year, while
another six pay between $30,000 and $40,000.

This is a BIG problem, because a "luxury city", filled essentially with
the rich and those who service them, with very little in the middle,
can never be a vibrant and exciting place. College graduates like
myself should want to come to New York, not because they think they can
make millions here, but just because it's a great place to live. And
that seems to be happening less and less, as New York becomes
increasingly unaffordable.

The authors write, quite rightly:

No city has had a greater history as a middle class incubator than
New York. As the legendary urbanist and long time New York resident
Jane Jacobs once noted: "A metropolitan economy, if working well, is
constantly transforming many poor people into middle class people, many
illiterates into skilled people, many greenhorns into competent
citizens... Cities don't lure the middle class. They create it."

That's not happening any more, not in New York. And that's very worrying.

_______

Links to relevant articles:

http://www.portfolio.com/views/blogs/market-movers/2009/02/05/new-york-city-datapoint-of-the-day?tid=true

http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20090205/FREE/902059930/0

http://www.brownstoner.com/brownstoner/archives/2009/02/its_tough_out_t.php

http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2009/02/05/2009-02-05_nyc_so_costly_you_need_to_earn_six_figur.html

...and reported on FOX 5 NEWS at 6 tonight. I was a bit disturbed hearing of it