September 17, 2008

  • take a look at me now...late 2002 vs. 2008 and beyond...

    Its known that many ppl are afraid of change. Moreover, afraid of change in ppl that they know.

    Why? I am not sure. I mean, wouldn't ppl normally be happy that their acquaintances/friends are making moves?

    But its kinda funny because I notice more of the opposite...it leads to people talking about you, it leads to ppl making all these weird assumptions about you, but its whatever cuz i figure if they have the time to gossip about others and/or talk about their past, then they themselves are really boring and bored and it soo sucks to be stuck in life....cuz they got no interesting present NOR future to talk about...haha

    Ive pretty much cut out BS talk on aim, i just get booored of it and the people who initiate such conversations. I'm just rolling my eyes in front of the computer thinking how boring they are.

    Id rather talk about life, love, school, career and our futures in this great world.

    im so glad that i dont have any boring friends. its shows that ive doing something right and meeting the right people   
    ___________________

    and its funny (altho not wrongly) that people still perceive me as being really into the party scene. Because people who really know me, know i quit that route about a year and a half ago.  There is so much more which defines me. And what's even funnier about all of this, is that those exact people were into the party scene for way longer in their lives than i have - 7 yrs, 10 yrs...even MORE than 10 yrs depending on how young they started. . I was in the party scene for 5 1/2 years since age 28.  FIVE and a HALF YEARS!!  That is NOTHING, in a life.  Not by a long shot.  I have experienced quite a bit, being totally straight and sober up to age 28...and now I found myself an amused observer on the sidelines.  I was very intrigued by Sociology during my first college career...and my curiosity is retained today.  I have seen MANY people who have matured or changed drastically; I have also seen people who have been stuck in a routine and for some reason are clueless on how to get out of a funk; I have also seen people who have not changed and choose to still remain in the past/retain past attitudes about things.  It's fine but I just wonder, don't things get boring year after year of the same? and don't you have goals for yourself that need to be started on, like NOW? If u just sit on ur ass, year by year starts looking all the same. But i guess thats fine for those that like that...

    I can honestly say that I have been adventurous enough to take on different paths, personalities and living in different areas during this short life I have lived thus far...even with regressing in the past 5 years to fully emerge the person that i am right now. and I have yet so much more to go!  I do not regret ANY minute of it but I can fully acknowledge that thsi miniscule (party personality) part of me has totally come full circle and now I am onto bigger, better things.

    __________________________________________________

    I

    ...am an optimistic adult.
    ...am ins school for my 2nd bachelors...in health/med/nursing.
    ...am young at heart like no other.

    ...am a photography enthusiast.
    ...love to travel.
    ...am a lover.

    ...am finally with the love of my life and plan to be with him forever.

    ...am a lover of art history and art in general.
    ...am always looknig for new experiences. people. things to influence me. to change my current perception.
    ...strongly BELIEVE that you need to be educated throughout your entire life. never stop learning.
    ...am always an advocate of change in all of those who I feel should be confident/have potential
       enough.
    ...am not afraid to tell it like it is -- i mean, just because no one wants to speak of it, does that mean that it
       doesn't exist. this is reality, wake up in it.
    ...soo admire those people with passions and goals and who are striving to achieve them.

    ...have actually had many people come up to me to tell me i have been such an inspiration to
       them. and this i hold     so close to my heart as it means so much to me to hear. so flattered.

    ...have always had friends within mixed crowds (ethnically AND interest/hobbywise) so im constantly
       surrounded by new ideas and different opinions.
    ...am not into being a 'yes' person or a crowd pleaser or being friends with the whole world.
    ...am not into groups or conformity. my brain cringes at any action/talk suggesting *groupthink*.
    ...am on a mission to prove all stereotypes wrong and I am fine with being one of the ambassadors. it only  
       takes ONE person to inform others :)
    ...normally can meet/talk with people with people a few times and figure out whether they are going to be a
       great friend or just an acquaintance to me.  Usually I am right.
    ...do not see the point in being with people who do not inspire me in some way or who I view as  
       superficial/gangsta/useless/fronting/phony/stereotypical for one reason or another.  I see it way too much
       around me.

    ...do admit i am SLOW to action when facing the prospect of change. but I trust myself to follow through, i always have. 
       I have done this three times now during my life     :)

    ...really do feel that something is missing IF i haven't improved upon my life in a new, qualifiable
       way within the previous year.      that sends me into deep contemplations and re-evaluating myself.
    ...can actualy go into depression if I feel like I feel like I am
    stuck.  I have no problems admitting my
       shortcomings to myself...isnt
    it better to be honest and then try to solve the problem?

       then again, if im actively reaching a longterm goal, then i am totally proud of myself while on the journey :)

    I
    ...am complex.
    ...am an absorber of knowledge, adventure and ideas.
    ...am undefinable.
    ...am an enigma.

    altho at the moment, i am a truly boring (hermit-like) person myself cuz all i do is study right now. but i do revel in it and i wish everyone well!   i will reemerge yet someday going forward after all of this, a more fleshed out different/better person, ready for the next reinvention/adventure in life, the next chapter in this awesome story.

    Until then...

    Phoebe Rising,
    September 2008

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