January 25, 2008

  • i admit i have serious flaws/weaknesses.


    these include being madd indecisive, inability to follow through, and sometimes giving ppl wayy too much benefit of the doubt/making excuses for ppl...


    u know, i wonder sometimes.  what is KEEPING me here?  seriously. 



    • i do not have a lease to a place to call my own that binds me here

    • no permanent job as of yet (by feb 1 ill know but im still sending out my resume)

    • my personal status certainly doesn't keep me here AND shouldn't keep me here (single/married/divorced whathaveyou) and truthfully im not sure when or if that will ever change. it seems like not in the near future for sure so what is really keeping me here????

    • i havent been accepted to a school yet

    • my sister left for SD last year and my mom is contemplating leaving too

    honestly, as years go by, i see less reason to even stay. i am *making up* new reasons each year to *try* to stay.  thats horrible isnt it? If I had 1-2 real concrete reasons to stay here (and again i am adaptable/flexible to life) i WOULD stay.  right now there just does not seem to be anything that falls within those categories.


    all my really close friends etc. have moved away or are considering the possibility of moving away, some of whom are 5-10 yrs younger than me, i envy their wanderlust and their ability to make decisions / followthrough and admire their ability to have gotten their bachelors degree/specialization at an optimal amt of time (if they were so inclined) so that they can START ON LIFE.  seriously what KEEPS ppl from STARTING on LIFE?  its not like theres much to look fwd to when ur STUCK in one phase...u just keep from discovering OPPORTUNITIES ABOUND.


    just being starkly honest.  there is no time to sugarcoat things now.  reality sets in.  2008 a new year, new beginnings abound, the clock ticks and another yr starts winding down. 


    discover problem > analyze and discover hypothesis > end result > based on results, determine possible courses of ACTIONS > endgame


    man i wish it was that simple.


     


    hmm well maybe it is.  i guess thats for me to determine when the time is right.  thank god the time is getting closer.