January 14, 2008
-
12-2009 the end of one era and the beginning of the NEW...
so how is everyone's 2008 so far?
mine seems ok...a bit slow but
i guess i could be biased in that perspective only because ive been in
the midst of setting achieveable goals within the next 2-5 years. Well
certain things have already happened which really made me
START overthinking (yea yea i know its like, OMG NOT AGAIN!!!) byut
rest assured I am thinking smartly...well ok, more realistically 2
years. and it all has to do with establishing a plan to save some
money each month so its just a waiting game at this time.man WAITING KILLS. but i guess i have to suck it up and be patient.
id LIKE to save up to half of my monthly paycheck for about two years
(12/2009 seems like a good date don't u agree?)...and then:- go back to school between this fall and next, and be able to front half if not all the tuition...or
- if my job works out, move out into a decent sized apt with my OWN
kitchen, living room (god its been SO long since ive had my own place,
this 5 yr break has been abnormal as I have never stayed anywhere
longer than 2 years tops. It has to be at least 700 sq feet 1 bedroom
and I need a bathroom with a TUB and an apt with good closet space!! i
am a GIRL at heart after all. Haha) - if my job goes well, maybe ask for a transfer or ask for a
promotion/higher salary on top of the one i am going to ask for fairly
soon (persoanlly i think that anyone who isn't proactive enough to
demand a review or a substantial raise after ONE year
at a job is a slacker and non-ambitious...the worst thing an employer
can do is delay it or to say, 'oh its not in the budget, but most
places if u dont ask u won't get. In the past I have never gone one
year without raising my salary at least 1-3K$ and that is considered
MINIMAL in some circles). - or if none of the above works out, consider moving OUT
of New York City for a little bit and start over (this place is wearing
on me seriously. i think i need to step away in order to appreciate it
more.
- After 2 years, it will go super-FASTFORWARD as I think I am going
to seriously contemplate the next step in my life (where i want to
settle down permanently, think about the person i am becoming...and to
finally be *with* and maybe to find this person
with the *RIGHT* set of characteristics and proactiveness for a
future/life partner/husband if i haven't already found this person
already, then comes marriage -- well its not for everyone i realize but
it is definite in the plans for myself anyway.)
i dont know. I guess if i was much younger, i would be more
complacent about certain things not happening since 2002, which was the
last year anything substantial happened in my LIFE (went to AC and
Montreal for a week with friends, moved from Manhattan to Bklyn then
BACK to Queens, was still in art school, made many new friends that
changed my perspective on life, juggling a few temp and freelance jobs,
and broke up with 9.5 yr ex all in ONE year). The thing about being
adult is that you have to constantly be proactive to make sure your
life doesn't stay the same year after year cuz its way too easy and
probably human nature to just go about the same old routine in the same
environment etc. ive been thinking and planning for a long long time
which is the good thing and i guess tis a *good* thing I am being
realistic about it (saving money). I already pushed off
my inital five year plan (to move to California when I turned 34) and
also pushed off a few dreams of mine in the past few years in lieu of
things to be patient, understanding, and mature. All I
know is that I'm frustrated with living day to day and now its time to
start revving up the process and being able to strive toward something
MEANINGFUL -- while being ABLE TO quantify WHEN something SHOULD HAPPEN
(how many years, what year)...instead of dawdling (ahh i don't know
when...) and keeping my life on hold and just wonder what the next year
might bring. Everyone is a bit TOO old *now* to have THAT
attitude, even those that used to consider themselves 'young', sorry
time is CATCHING UP with you. Time, people and opportunities wait
for no one after all and not everything is meant to be. Age is just a
number in many cases, but I do acknowledge that it matters and I am
going to do what is best for myself. So right now it may seem that I am
still talking talking talking and NO ACTION but trust me, I am ever so
mindful and when I put my mind to it I make things happen. I am also
mature enough to walk away from any situation once I am able to in some
form (financials do help so I am taking care of that. My finances have
always been my weak point in life, admittedly, i had always been in
some sort of credit card debt since age 21 with it at its peak when I
hit 27 but i conquered that as of 2006....Right now I am even. When I
am *finally* in the red, I will have matured yet some more...and then
nothing will stop me).With never a regret in life. Ever...
one of my BIG FLAWS has always been patience...ahha. the fact i
KNOW that I will def go through with one of these goals by 12/2009 it
just makes me a bit impatient since im in the work-in-progress stage
RIGHT NOW. Well good luck to me this year and next. I'll def be
working toward something substantial at least...as silly as it may sound, i would LOVE to be in my own apt right
now...just KNOWING that you have ur own place where no one can tell you
what to do etc. it is such a mental uplift its crazy. I dont thnk that
anyone who hasnt lived on their own would ever know of this. But shit,
ONCE u leave home u can NEVER GO BACK, and this holds soo fuckin
true...sigh. it just sucks i cant afford it right now
Comments (7)
I'm clawing control of my life back. It's little things. I lost a lot of weight, which I wanted, by not taking care of myself.
It was blessing to go back to a 34 waist, now I need to ride the momentum of my lucky 10 hour dance-a-thons and do the rest of the work to be perfect when the weather gets hot.
I have to choose a major. I have to continue to challenge myself and either succeed or learn.
Failure is when you quit.
I was in Williamsburg last night. My jaw absolutely hit the floor at what 1100 dollars plus 150 a month for parking actually gets you in NYC. I live an hour and 10 minutes from the city, but my apartment in the middle of nowhere in the armpit of Long Island is cozy indeed, and wicked cheap.
You give up some, you get some. Why are all us old people soul searching this month?
One thing I realize is that you gotta keep your smarts but also learn to rely on the smarts of others (leverage talent). Our desire to be independent sometimes makes us stubborn to the opportunity to accomplish more by being interdependent with your network of professional colleagues, friends and family. This town is tough and "if you can make it here you can make it anywhere". Every month or quarter, sit down and look at your list of goals and ask "Did I do the things I set out to do to get closer to my goals and dreams?" Life always changes, but only you can tell if each moment taking you in the direction you want to go. Constantly change is only good if it is good for you and your values and beliefs. Changes that come and make you feel you are not becoming a better person, those you need to throw out of your life. Took me 3 years to get fed up with my job and find a new one. Took some sneaking around the office and misdirection to hit the interviews and land the offers. Took serious looks at my partying, drinking, and spending habits on clothes, friends, food and games to see how much my spending on "FUN" held me back from my other priorities (saving for my own place, a new car, marriage, a child, etc.). It gets to a point where you have to stop pushing back plans and dreams and draw a line. "It's now or never!" Life can end tomorrow and the world turned upside down. Life takes money, but life is not about having enough money. If you plan hard and work smart, money will come wherever you are. We are the Internet generation, we can make it rich in our living rooms in pajamas up on a mountain if we know what people desperately want and you know the right people to get it to them. That's my dream someday to figure that one out. In the meantime, stay focused and each day starts fresh and new.
Thanks for your feedback to my comments. It is always good to pursue your passions whatever it may be at the time. Money is not evil, it is the grease that makes wheels turn in this world we live in. Otherwise we could live like monks and be utterly at peace and happiness! But why would anyone want that and not have any fun? We complicate life because we need the suffering to know what happiness really is. Live life for your benefit, yeah that's kinda selfish thinking but it starts there and gives you the capacity to give. You can't give what you don't have inside first. Photography is a good hobby, maybe with the trained eye, a career move. My office manager just quit to pursue an arts and crafts business. Sometimes you can just stop, and change directions because it feels right.
wow you were with someone for 9.5 yrs? thats crazy.
i imagine a 700 sq ft apt with a tub to cost an arm and a leg! one day ill make it to nyc
I find the interesting thing about myself is that things happen when they happen. Sounds simple, but usually some form of motivation comes along, whether it be me being fed up or so angry at something I want to change it.
I'm not really adventurous, I would just say that I never want to look back and wonder what if. I just want to go and do things, just do something. Going home reminds me so much of how you can just settle in a pattern and breeze by with it. I don't want that.
I don't really want much now, but I do know one day I'd like to settle down back in New York. But until then its Japan then some other Asian country. But seriously, I have no clue.
Bubbles? Is that you?
Haha. I still remember that day vividly. Outside Roxy for the AvB show where I ran into you for the first time! And although the set could've been a bit better in my opinion, I finally met you and your crew. Quite a memorable night!
As for your comments - thank you. You always seem to know how to nudge me in the right way. I am also deathly afraid of getting caught up in the everyday motion and settling on routine that seems convenient and safe. That truly is the worst thing possible. I am striving to always be a better person than I was yesterday. I think the revelation that I had will definitely make it a more happier journey and I know that it will definitely make me a more content person. I was dangerously close to pushing away everything around me. And like you, I did lose my significant other of 8 years, but like you - I know I will find someone soon enough and probably when I least expect it. But seriously, thanks for being there.
Now as for your post - your two year plan sounds great. And although it will be painstakingly slow to achieve, once you start to get some momentum, the rest will start to not only fall into place but will fly by in the process. As for the living situation, I totally agree with you. Privacy is something that can't be replaced with even the best roommate relationship. And as you get older, you definitely need more privacy. Plus living alone has many more conveniences than shacking up with roommates just to save money. But rather than getting into all the details- which you probably already know - find your own spot soon. Wait, do you live with Drew now? And are you still in Queens now?
Finally, I saw your previous posts about Toronto and Amsterdam. Damn you! Haha! I just quit smoking bud! Seriously, I smoked everyday for the past 4 years and I was getting a bit worried about my health and dependency. But I've never been to Amsterdam and I wanted to go soooo badly. I might still go but looks like your trip was fantastic. As for Guvernment, never been. Heard tons and tons about it when I was in Montreal but Toronto always seemed a bit too far when there was Aria and the Montreal nightlife scene. Wish I could go to Contact with yah but my friends invited me to their cabin for some snow boarding that weekend. Hit me up on the next event and I will try and round up the troops for an excursion!!!
Keep your head up and say hi to Drew for me!
It might sound funny but I think my ex and I grew apart for the same reasons you're stating about your current relationship. Well, the funny thing is that she was in the same predicament as you. I was drifting and didn't take the intiative on any level. This is probably what caused the break up. We started going in opposite directions. Anyhow, only after we seperated did I start to re-evaluate everything and make the necessary strides that i've taken. Who knows, worst case scenario, this might help the both of you if things seem not to turn out the way they should. And now my ex is doing much better as an individual: more independent, exploring entrepreneurial endeavors and fulfilling her goals. Unfortunately I wasn't part of that picture and by us staying together, she would've never had the opportunity to pursue those goals because of the dynamics of our relationship. It just wouldn't have happened if we stayed together. And finding myself and my dreams and goals wouldn't materialize either if I were to stay with her. Bottom line, trust your intuition and go with your guts because at the end of the day, it will lead you to happiness more times than not. Atleast thats what I've experienced.
And as for partying, I haven't in over two years. Damn thats a long time but its true. I just didn't have time and it wasn't the most important priority for me. I still listen and spin mixes in my studio but I haven't gotten fkd up in quite sometime. But I, as well as some of my friends, still think we have one last time in ourselves so who knows what'll happen this year. Maybe one last hoorah! I'll keep you posted.
As for snowboarding, I suck. Don't get me wrong, I'm athletic and work out alot now but I've only gone once and that was over 5 years ago. I'm a skiier at heart so I stuck to that for the most part but now I want to try riding. I used to skateboard for 5-6 years in my early teens but that doesn't prepare you for the kind of ride you experience on a board. Kicked my ass the first time so bad I couldn't walk straight, stand or sit without feeling pain. Thats why its been five years since. I might plan a seperate day trip up to the catskills or lake george, so if that materializes, I'll let you know and you could join us if you'd like.
And finally, I don't aim anymore and though i do have a facebook account, i don't update or do anything with it. Maybe I should but I just don't have the time. You see the way I update my xanga, once in a blue moon type of deal. I will actually be creating a myspace music page soon since I'm working on my own music album. It won't be ready for another month or two, still completing the remaining 5 tracks, but when it's done I'll let you know.
Comments are closed.